As 2014 stares me squarely in the eyes, I’m struggling to find the words to say. Do I talk about my past accomplishments of 2013? Do I make lofty resolutions for the 364 more days ahead? I’m actually not going to do either.
There was nothing wrong with 2013. I stepped out of my comfort zone in many ways. If I could have seen into the future last New Year’s, I would be very surprised with what I have done in 2013: got my first “big girl” job, tried to sell Mary Kay for a brief time, joined a book club, ran my 2nd half-marathon as well as started training for a 3rd.
My life has been marked with a lot of change lately – changes that in the past, I’m almost certain my former self would have objected to. But here I am – working full-time, following my training, happily married, living in a city I love. So, what’s the problem with that?
I’ll answer that question in a bit, but a little back story first. I started reading The Gifts of Imperfection over my Christmas vacation. I’m not done with the book yet (and I’m not claiming it’s some holy grail for perfectionists or anything), but I do think I’ve had a bit of a wake up call while reading it. I’ve realized two things recently (that I do credit to reading the book), which are: I am typically living in fear and I am (most of the time) not authentically me.
A line from the book that put my life lately into perspective was this: “Deep down, we want to take off our game face and be real and imperfect” (pg. 61). After reading that line, I put the book down and said to myself That’s it. That’s what I want that I don’t have.
So long story short – my officially unofficial non-resolution resolution for 2014 is this: be myself.
Be wholeheartedly, truly, unwaveringly myself. Stop trying to pretend I am not myself or that I don’t feel the way I do. Start saying what I need and feeling what I need to feel. Stop living numbly in waiting for perfection that doesn’t exist. And just start living.
Part of me doesn’t know what this looks like yet – and that’s okay, I’ll figure it out in time. But I do know what part of “being me” looks like. A lot of those changes will be reflected on the blog.
Some changes you can expect on here are:
- I’m not going to try to blog every day. I stopped blogging on weekends a few months ago and it was the best decision I ever made. My typical goal every week is to blog every week day, but I am going to let that go for now. I am going to blog when I want to, when I have time, and most importantly, when I have something valuable to say.
- I’m not continuing my Faith in My Friday series for the reason above. I love sharing my faith and encouraging others to share their posts as well, but I don’t love feeling like I have to blog on Friday’s about my faith. It’s been to confining. I will continue to blog about my faith – just in my own timing (which I think will be much more enjoyable).
- I’m actually going to write about perfectionism, my struggles with accepting myself, and the freedom that I know exists for all of us – whether it be from perfectionism, fear, or something else. I started this blog to talk about those things so I’m going to, regardless of how I may have dropped off that bandwagon.
I love my blog and don’t regret what it is right now, but I want this place to be 100% what I want it to be. The look, feel, and tone of my blog may change, but I hope you’ll stick around to see me through.
Some life changes I’m expecting are:
- Choosing to deal with my feelings through prayer and journaling. I need this for my soul and I neglect myself of it far too often.
- Learning how to speak up in my work place instead of just “letting things happen,” and take charge of my career.
- Starting a cleanse diet on the 6th for 21 days (and follow relatively clean eating afterward).
- Declaring that this year is the year to be me, to choose stepping out over fear, to choose what I want over anything else. Maybe that sounds a little selfish, but I feel like I’ve been way too caught up in worries over what other people may think or want for far too long. I think it’s time to let myself be okay with my own decisions.
Maybe these sound like totally crackpot “resolutions” – and that’s because they’re not. These are life changes that I’ve been thinking about for quite a while now. I guess the New Year just gives me a convenient opportunity to air them
So while I don’t necessarily believe in resolutions, this year I am resolving to be me – mistakes, flaws, imperfections and all. Some of you have chosen a “word of the year” as a guide for your focus. This year, my guiding phrase is “be yourself,” even if that self is not that put together, still working out the kinks, and far from perfect.
Hello, 2014. Hello, me.
Getting gutsy is all about stepping outside your comfort zone to reach your goals. I’m participating in Jessica Lawlor’s #GetGutsy Essay Contest. To get involved and share your own gutsy story, check out this post for contest details.